20 in 20!
Nothing about 2021 screamed normal. COVID continued, online classes wreaked havoc, sleeping schedules reversed while all s**t hit the fan. Sorry for the language, 2021 demanded it.
2021 was supposed to be normal, it was supposed to go back to the way it was, but it didn’t. 2021 had it’s moments just like Game of Thrones Season 8. No takebacks.
One of the highlights for me was turning 20 that year. 20 seems like a big number, and in some ways it really is. It paves the way for questions like, well really, only one, when are you getting married? It is THE getaway to a major existential crisis.
I learnt a few things to power through this existential crisis. But I do the most human thing to those few things, I forget it. From there on, it is a hell hole down. So I thought, maybe listing down would help, me and hopefully, one of the few who read it.
So here goes, 20 in 20, a comprehensive crux of things I learnt as I completed my 20 on this weird planet.
1. It is okay to let go
It sounds difficult, it might be even, but once you do it, it is the world’s best feeling. The feeling of letting go, it brings immense relief. There is no real methodology to it, no real pathway, but find yours!
2. Don’t fight with your parents, it isn’t worth it
The fight you have with your parents only strains the chance of having a relationship with them. They are right and even when they aren’t, we aren’t in the position, neither should we be, to tell them so. It took me too long to take notice of that fact. All our parents need from us is that we sit and listen, and heed to their advice. It is this simple and it shouldn’t take 20 years to figure this out, but it does. I forget this very often, but when I have adhered to it, I have never had to cry.
3. Read that again: All you ever need to do is Listen!
Listening to people does wonders, not just for them, for you as well. Whether it is your parents, or your siblings or your friends, sharing your ear is all you will need to do to make sure they are better than when they sat down with you. A heart to heart will go a long way.
4. Your parents will struggle, and so will you!
I understood that we might think that our parents could do better, in understanding us, sharing our concerns and showing love. What I also understood is that they are already doing better than their parents and their grandparents and the generations that came before them. They are trying not to repeat the mistakes their parents made, but in the process making new ones. Even if we are opposed to the idea of us turning into our parents, it is going to come. We just hope that we do a little better than them. Make no mistake, we will make errors just as crucial.
5. Parents are as stubborn as they come
Too much parent-y stuff, I know. But 2021 taught me so much about my own. It taught me that parents are not going to leave their stand, even if they are wrong. The faster you accept that, the more understanding you will become. They are in a position of superiority, for the lack of a better word.
6. It is easy to build a habit
You can do something for yourself and you can do something for others. Doing things for yourself will help you build a habit, a habit that might help you in the long run. If you know me, you know I am a lazy soul. I like to sit and eat and binge and talk and SLEEP! All of these are my comfort zones and I have never really had to step out of it. But being in the house all day due to online classes and pandemic can get to even the laziest souls. I was forced (in more ways than one) to get out and get moving, find something that involved me moving my body. I found walking. I started because my parents were concerned for my health, but I continued because I low-key liked it. That 1 hour meant that time was just mine. Walking became a habit, I now feel guilty not saying ‘Heyyyy’ to.
7. It is just as easy to let go of a habit.
Habits, oh the conundrum. I let go of a major one in 2021, and it has since become one of my highlights of 2021. It makes me so damn happy to boast about it. If you know me and the tale of my band aids, you know how happy this makes me. It wasn’t easy leaving the habit. But somehow, I wanted to, for the first time in my life, I wanted to try leaving it for good. And I did. I found my way to cope with it (Thank you, band aids). The only key to leaving a habit is to find your way to cope up with it and do it because YOU really want to.
8. Have one thing that makes you happy
My happy space is watching shows and crying about characters. But it often just pushes me further into a hole. But listening to songs, more particularly a set of songs (whose order I also remember), makes me happy instantly. It gives me hope, might sound like a whack-a-doodle, but it works. Find that thing, it might be cooking food, or organizing your cupboard, or scribbling on a page or just jumping up & down. Makes life a little easier.
9. Have a happy photo or a video that instantly makes up for all the anguish that was caused that day
This! I have two videos that just make everything alright!
The first one is Tom Hiddleston dancing, the way it makes my heart giggle and face smile, uff. I have linked it for when you are having a bad day!
The other one is of this dog, this adorable little dog, who is laughing. I just burst out every single time the belly rub comes and he just shies away. My father is a witness to this! Click on this to watch the video!
Credits to the respective owners!
10. Notice people and their needs
Anticipating how one behaves and what they would need is the closest we are going to come to predicting human behavior. Everyone has a routine, even though they might be unaware of it. It might be visible in their food habits, tempers or just by the way they talk. Tackling someone is not that hard when you know what makes them tick and what ultimately calms them!
11. Bad mouthing someone is going to come to surface, and when it does, it will cause a total shipwreck.
How about just not doing that, huh? Why risk making a relationship sour just to point out a mistake. If it is mentally exhausting, just stop giving a s**t. Smile and talk, but don’t give it much after thought. It honestly gives an outlook that far exceeds the “joy” of berating someone, even if they are wrong.
12. Opening LinkedIn at 3 in the morning, is a sure shot way to put yourself at the epicenter of a major existential crisis.
Learnt it the hard way. LinkedIn is a way to connect to peers, who are overachieving. I honestly had to hide the app from my mobile to be able to sleep at night. For me, LinkedIn felt like the tech version of Sharmaji ka beta. I didn’t need it.
13. If you can’t follow up on a dream (even if it was something you were passionate about), it doesn’t mean the end of the world.
I have learnt that, you will always have a chance, to make amends, to take another shot, to get better. You don’t need to be the richest person or the most mature person or the most successful person today. It will come, what’s meant for you, at its time. You might have to work harder, struggle more, sacrifice greater, but you will get it.
14. If there is something beyond your control, don’t frown upon it!
There are always going to be things that are completely out of your grasp, don’t frown upon it! It can be something as simple as today’s menu to seemingly bigger things such as college reopening. If it helps, stop thinking about it. Deal with it in the 48 hours before the thing, don’t care about it before that!
15. Decide what warrants your energy and what is a complete waste.
If people are busy, too busy to return your calls or reply to your messages, if they take you and your time for granted and don’t forget to remind you of your mistakes and seem to force their beliefs and notions, forget them. Stick to your methods and routines, stick to the promises you made in a whirlwind. There will be a lot you won’t be able to do, the least you could do is decide what and who are worth the energy.
16. But if something warrants your energy, give everything to it. Don’t let it slip!
You will find your tribe, and eventually your vibe! You can be an old soul who likes watching organization videos and binge watching shows and collecting mugs and absolutely loves wedding décor pictures and red lehengas. Or you can be a party animal who knows the lyrics to every song ever, knows exactly how to dress and do hair and the perfect eyeliner and shop all day long. When you do find your tribe, give everything you got, lend an ear whenever their world haunts them, hug them and shriek for them when they achieve what they intended to. Celebrate their smallest victories! It is all worth it!
17. There is always another day!
Hope I have found out, is all engulfing and at the same time, all forgiving! It doesn’t remind you of your flaws, it doesn’t reek of yesterday, it just holds out for tomorrow, you ought to do the same!
18. You just have to hang around.
Even when you are down, and the world seems to crumple, just hang around. Night will turn into day, seasons will turn, 20 will turn into 21 (hehe!). Give yourself time, all the time you need! 2 minutes, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months (I did that) and then decide on a day you start working together, and do exactly that (I did that too). Look forward to a new day, it really helps sleeping peacefully and waking up with a sound mind!
Big advice from a 20 year old I know, sorry!
19. You cannot, shouldn’t be disappointed in someone!
I find myself angry and disappointed in a person, I know I shouldn’t be. But I am because I am only human. Here’s the thing I learnt though. I won’t pass on my judgments, I won’t drag others into my disappointments. I will sleep on it and hope that the new day brings more patience and tolerance.
20. Never let a person past!
My biggest lesson and my biggest takeaway from 2021 was to never let a person past me, without knowing a person’s story or how their day has been! I won’t let any person through without understanding their reasons, ever!
Here is to 20 and everything that lies ahead!
Here is to powering through!
Here is to taking charge and letting go!
